10 years ago · Leah Fogt · Comments Off on Be kind to yourself!

Be kind to yourself!

Do you ever struggle with feelings of insecurity, self-doubt, or low self-esteem?  Many people who have trouble with depression or anxiety struggle with these feelings on a regular basis, and let’s face it, feeling that way can be pretty miserable.  These unpleasant emotions often begin with unhelpful thoughts, especially self-criticism or negative self-talk.  One way to begin to improve our moods is by challenging these unhelpful ways of thinking.

Every day, all day our minds are forming perspectives and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us.  There’s that voice in the back of our heads that gives us a running commentary of the day’s events.  Do you ever pay attention to that voice and what it says?  If you feel insecure, doubt yourself, or lack confidence, that voice in the back of your head might be saying some pretty mean things to you!

For example, when you look in the mirror in the morning, what do you think?  Do you think, “Well this is as good as it’s gonna get” or something more positive like, “I am beautiful because of who I am and the things I can do?”   If you make a mistake, are you quick to name-call and put yourself down?  Do you call yourself a dummy?

Speaking to ourselves in this way only increases a sense of shame, so it’s important to take charge of this kind of thinking.

Think about it.  If a stranger in the grocery store saw you drop a jar of spaghetti sauce making a big sloppy red splatter on the tile, you would likely be offended if they said, “You idiot!  Be careful!”  We do not tolerate unkindness from others, why do we tolerate if from ourselves?

Consider the little children you might know – perhaps your own child, grandchild, niece/nephew, neighbor, or friend.  Imagine that cute little face full of innocence.  You probably wouldn’t tell that child they are stupid, ugly, clumsy, or foolish.  It would make them cry – not to mention be damaging to them and potentially verbally abusive.  Instead you would speak gently and encouragingly to that little one, maybe still making a correction but doing so kindly.  The thing is self-criticism is just as damaging to us.  If we wouldn’t say it to a little child, we probably shouldn’t say it to ourselves.

If you think you might have a harmful habit of self-criticism, you might want to start to challenge that voice in your head and replace its commentary with something a little more uplifting and charitable.  If you observe a moment of negative self-talk, catch yourself doing it and then try to find a more constructive and encouraging thing to say.

Breaking the habit of negative-self talk is a challenging one, and sometimes can require therapy to help identify alternative perspectives and restructure how we think.  This doesn’t mean lying to ourselves or sugar-coating things.  Rather, it means that we evaluate our perspectives to be sure they are accurate, grounded in reality, and supported by evidence, as opposed to emotions only.

Our words matter.  What we say to others can have a great influence on their day and their mood.  The same is true for what we say to ourselves!  Be kind to yourself!

10 years ago · Leah Fogt · Comments Off on What is Mindfulness?

What is Mindfulness?

One of the most challenging struggles of human existence is to accept and live fully in the present moment.  The arts and music show us so many examples of the attempt to surrender and just be.  Think of the popularity of songs like “Let it Go” from Frozen and “Let it Be” by the Beatles.  Consider how most world religions, in one way or another, emphasize the ideas of surrender and acceptance as key steps of the spiritual journey.  These are all versions or variations of the approach to living that many term “Mindfulness.”

Mindfulness is a state of mind in which we are aware of the present moment, living in “the now.”  We approach each moment with curiosity and observation – taking in and acknowledging our thoughts, feelings, and even sensations in the body freely and without judgment.   I like to think of it as responding to the moment by saying, “huh, how about that?” rather than judging a thought, feeling, or circumstance as good or bad, right or wrong.  It simply “IS.”

By practicing mindfulness we can distance ourselves from the habits and automatic responses we have to daily stressors and triggers, and we can increase clarity, insight, and a sense of peace.   This is why many mental healthy providers encourage mindful living as a way of decreasing depression and anxiety.

There are a plethora of Mindfulness resources available on the internet, but here is a brief introduction (Intro to Mindfulness) to it’s concepts, as well as some strategies to help you make simple changes to live life more mindfully.

There are several titles in my recommended reading list as well, but I especially recommend “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.

10 years ago · Leah Fogt · Comments Off on Feeling stressed out?

Feeling stressed out?

Life can be a very intense and stressful.  As if juggling all of our usual activities (like paying bills, household chores, parenting, work commitments, etc.) wasn’t enough, life can throw us curve balls that we might not be ready for, sending our stress level through the roof.  Even expected stressors can leave us feeling overwhelmed, drained, exhausted, or even afraid – not to mention the negative effects on our bodies, relationships, work performance, and overall quality of life!

Many of my clients identify “coping with stress” as one of their therapy goals.  Sometimes it’s because of a specific stressor that is proving to be a major challenge; sometimes it’s a pattern of ongoing stress that has made life feel chronically chaotic.

Harvard Medical Publications has a really great online Stress Resource Center with free resources for coping with stress.  I highly recommend visiting the page and exploring the information and techniques they recommend.

You can access the page at http://www.health.harvard.edu/topic/stress

Currently the Stress Resource Center features an interview from the Martha Stewart Show with Dr. Michael C. Miller, a leading expert on stress.  You can access that interview directly at http://www.marthastewart.com/249504/tips-stress-less

In the interview, Dr. Miller recommends 5 fairly simple strategies to help reduce the effects of stress, and he explains the biological and psychological reasons why they work.  These are the strategies:

1. Do one thing at a time.
2. Use meditative techniques.
3. Find a creative outlet.
4. Engage in social activities.
5. Develop a routine for handling stress.

Sometimes integrating these strategies into daily life isn’t easy as it sounds – sort of like “easier said than done, Dr. Miller!”  So if you struggle to fit these skills into your lifestyle, therapy might be a really useful thing for you.  If you’re already involved in therapy, consider trouble shooting with your provider on the skills that you’re finding difficult or elusive.  You deserve to feel better!

10 years ago · Leah Fogt · Comments Off on Why practice deep breathing?

Why practice deep breathing?

In today’s fast-paced society full of stressors, pressures, and worries, many of us begin to experience anxiety, distress, physical complaints (like high blood pressure, headaches, etc.) in our efforts to just keep up with the rat race.  In juggling our many responsibilities, do we ever really allow ourselves to breathe?

For some it seems a little cliché to say, “just take a deep breath,” but there’s a reason why deep breathing is a skill many mental health clinicians encourage their clients to learn and practice.

The term diaphragmatic breathing (or the more playful “belly breathing”) refers to deep breathing utilizing the lower lungs through engaging the diaphragm – the membrane which moves below our lungs causing us to inhale and exhale.  This kind of breathing allows for full oxygen exchange, and it can also slow the heart rate and stabilize blood pressure.   Here’s a good article from Harvard Health Publications that explains more.  http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2009/May/Take-a-deep-breath

There’s more!  Practicing deep breathing impacts the mind as well.  Simply by becoming aware of our breath, choosing to deepen our breath, and maybe even counting or imaging with the breath, we can slow our minds down as well, making belly breathing a great way to respond to an oncoming panic attack.

Do you know how to practice belly breathing?  Here are some helpful hints:

1. Try placing one hand over your heart and another over your belly button.  As you breathe, notice which hand is moving more.  If your top hand is moving a lot, your breath is still quite shallow, and your diaphragm is not fully engaged.  When your bottom hand is moving, you know your diaphragm is working.
2. Another trick to learning belly breathing is to lay down flat on your back.  Turn a cup upside-down and stand it on your abdomen.  (I tell children to sit their teddy bear on their tummy!  It doesn’t really matter what you use.)  As you breathe, watch the cup (or teddy bear!) move up and down.  Try not to use your abdominal muscles to move it, just your breath.
3. Consider counting with your breath.  First just notice how long each inhale and exhale is, and then begin to try to lengthen them by adding counts.  Do what is comfortable for you.
4. If you feel comfortable and safe, closing your eyes can be helpful.  With your eyes closed, you may become more mindful of your body and the sensations of your breath.

Once you have an awareness of how your body feels when you breathe deeply you can begin to use this kind of technique in other ways.  For example, you can catch yourself feeling a little panicky in a busy grocery store, pause for a moment, take a few belly breaths, and finish your task a little more calmly.

Belly breathing is the foundation of many relaxation and experiential techniques that can enhance your therapy experience, so give this method a try!

Give yourself permission to slow down and breathe…just breathe…